The Pain Of A Good Memory
by t1gerl1ly
Summary: I don't really know how to explain it, you just have to read it. Rated T for a lot of drinking and depressing stuff.
1. Alcohol In My Blood, Magnus In My Head

**This one is really painful, suspenseful, and a bit of a cliffhanger. Sorry for the drama. Enjoy! Review with your thoughts.**

Alec giggled again. Drunk as a mundie. He'd be disgusted with himself once the hangover was gone. But after Magnus...well, Alec preferred no to think about that. After Magnus, Alec had night terrors, until falling asleep became something he talked to the Silent Brothers about. They told him to just let the past go. He had started screaming at them, shouting obscenities, until he knocked himself out with his own flailing fist.

Then he turned to drink. At least now, when his mind was muddled by alcohol, the fog in his head was too thick for the dreams to get through. He had cut ties with all but one Shadowhunter. Clary. It hurt too much to look at Jace, or Simon, or even his own sister. But Clary kept being there, even when he hit her.

He had never done it again. He had started to cry, highly intoxicated, after he did it. Then she slapped him right back. And that was what made him let her in. She never gave up on him. When he wouldn't leave Magnus's apartment, she gave him drugged wine, and then dragged him away and had Catarina spell the door closed permanently.

But now Alec couldn't stop. And Clary had become, um, distracted with Jace, who he couldn't see. So he wallowed among the mundanes, letting the occasional girl kiss him. He had tried to see if boys still held his heart. But every time he kissed one, Magnus filled his head. And that was far too painful. So he had stopped looking.

But on this particular night, Alec had no money for the drinks he usually had. Nothing. So he went to sleep, sober for the first time in a year and a half. "Three nights." He mumbled to himself. "Three nights to be sober. Unbelievable." But as he laid his head down on the pillow, with no strength to go to a bar and be miserable, a vision flashed across his eyes.

_Magnus laughed, his eyes alight with love. Alec had returned the easy, truly joyful laugh. Max had grinned, confused but happy. Rafe, little grump that he was, had rolled his eyes, but Alec saw the smirk that crawled onto his face. Alec bit his lip, and leaned forward. Magnus met his lips with a careful ease. Alec had drifted to someplace amazing, but he was already there. That place was anywhere Magnus was. _

Alec's eyes snapped open, tears already sliding down his filthy cheeks. He didn't want to go back to sleep, but the exhaustion quickly claimed him. Unwillingly, Alec closed his eyes.

"_Alexander, let me tell you something." Magnus had said, and Alec grinned. _

"_Sure." He said, then kissed his husband as Magnus's mouth opened to continue speaking. When Alec let him continue, the mood was light and happy. "Being human is hard, but the immortal life is harder. So much to see, so much to do, way to much time to do it. Way to many people to love. Way to many ways to get hurt. But with you, Alexander, I feel free. That immortalily is suddenly worth it. As a mundane, I never would have met you." A smile had crossed Alec's face at that. Again, he leaned in…_

And so it went on, dreams that were causing him pain. His only love… so far away. To far. He would always be too far. But the next day, Alec got some money, bought some drinks, and got drunk again, trying to drown the painful memories. But they were like tape. They stuck. And it hurt to much to bear. So Alec had to find the only person who wouldn't be mad at him for abandoning him for so long. "Time to face your fears, Alec." He muttered to himself. Off to Jace's, then.


	2. The Pain Of Old Friends And Memories

**Ok. Well, here we are, back here again. I know, I know, it's horribly depressing. But this may come up. It's like a graph. Goes down, up a little, down again, up a little, down, up. Anyway. You get the idea. Keep the graph in mind when reading this. Thank you for reviewing, Guest. You know who you are. Anyway, I know this is a cliffhanger. I'm always working on new ideas for stories, so… keep this one in mind. Sorry I ranted for this long. Review!**

Alec knocked on the door, not registering that it was one in the morning. "Clary?" He heard Jace ask, sleep making him dumb. "No." Alec answered, looking at the familiar golden head for the first time in nearly two years. "It's… It's Alec. Will you let me in?" Jace grumbled, still not realized for real who it was. "Just let yourself in. You have Shadowhunter blood. Open the door yourself." Alec grimaced. He had tried.

"_I hereby swear: I will be Raziel's Sword, extending his arm to strike down evil. I will be Raziel's Cup, offering offering my blood to our mission. I will be Raziel's Mirror; when my enemies behold me, let them see his face in mine. I hereby promise: I will serve with the angels' courage. I will serve the angels' justice. And I will serve with the angels' mercy. I am Alexander Lightwood, and I ask entrance to this Institute." _

He had repeated it twice, to no avail. Apparently, the door had either forgotten him or it couldn't find the Shadowhunter blood among the alcohol.

"Damn it, Jace, let me in!" Alec whisper-shouted, bringing Jace out of his stupor.

"Alec?" he asked. Alec nodded. "I'll be right down." Alec sighed with relief. When Jace came to the door, and saw Alec, his hair matted, eyes dim with grief, months of dirt disguising the Marks on his arm, Jace grimaced. "No wonder the door didn't let you in." He snorted, then a serious look took over. "Alec. What are you doing here?" Alec winced.

"Yeah, about that…"

… "You want me to what?!"

"I just explained it to you. Is it necessary to do it again?" Jace just gaped at him. Alec rolled his eyes. "I...want ...you….to-" Jace cut him off.

"Can it, dickhead. I get it. I just don't like it." Jace snapped, his face red. Alec smirked. "Ok. I'll just… Actually, why don't you come in?" Alec flinched a little. He was hoping he wouldn't have to enter his old home. He and Magnus… Well, yeah. Alec was hoping he wouldn't have to go in, but some things were, apparently, necessary.

Alec took a deep breath. "Ok." He bit his lip anxiously. It was Jace's turn to smirk. He took the opportunity happily. They walked into the Institute, Jace leading, even though Alec was willing to bet his life that he could walk these halls blindfolded, even after all these years and drinks.

Jace stopped in front of his bedroom door, and Alec prepared himself as he walked in. He coun't have prepared himself enough. "Whaaa-"


	3. Surprise! IKnowYouDon'tWantToSeeUs,But

**So here we go again. Thanks for all the reviews, they really keep me going. I'm sorry for the late update, but I'm back. Hopefully for good, but who knows. Ok, enjoy. **

Alec didn't know what he was expecting, but not this. Not Isabelle, sitting on Jace's bed, maniacally petting a Persian cat. Not Simon, hand on Isabelle's back. Not Clary, typing furiously on Jace's computer. "Jace, you little-" Alec shouted. Okay, maybe he wasn't all the way sober. Jace grinned. "What? Did you pull yourself out of your drunken fog to realize we've been expecting you?" But the last part was sour, and Alec knew he deserved it.

Alec turned away, still unable to deal with his sister. Or Simon. Of Church. Actually, especially not Church. Church had played a role, in, well, _this_, and Alec had never forgiven him.

He knew it was useless to argue for Clary, and Jace he had asked for. "You asshole!" Alec spit. "You knew I didn't want to see them, and you still brought them all here?!" Jace looked serious for the first time in his life. "Yup. I certainly did. You need it, Alec!" He added at the look on his _parabatai's _face. "I needed nothing except help, Jonathan." Alec snapped coldly, and turned to leave.

But strong arms around Alec held him back. They weren't restraining, exactly, but… hugging? Alec hadn't been hugged in nearly two years. The gesture brought unwanted tears to his eyes. The last person who had hugged him had been the love of his life. He had shoved everyone else away. "I don't want your effing pity!" He would yell, until everyone backed off.

He turned, and there she was. Isabele. The only face he hadn't seen in two years. He had stalked Jace, seen Simon with Clary, and you heard about Clary. He couldn't stand seeing her. It was too painful. Magnus had loved her. Only because Alec loved her, but still.

And before he could pull away, she did it for him. Then punched him, quite squarely, in the jaw. Alec recoiled, hand already at his jaw. "That's for not talking to me for two years, you dick." Iz hissed, then stalked out of the room. "Guess I deserved that." Alec mumbled, and Jace nodded sagely. "Yup. You sure did." Alec flipped him off.

"Alec, you have to come to terms with what happened to Magnus. We miss him, too, and we know your grief is firmer, but you have to accept it. He's gone. It is what it is. You have to let him go," Simon said as he left the room to comfort a probably crying Izzy. Alec heaved, sddenly feeing extremely sick. "I can't," he muttered, and Jace rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Alec. You can. Work a bit harder. You can do it!" Clary, as she left the room for whatever reason.

"Mreow" Church called behind him as he followed Clary. Only Jace was left.


	4. What If No It Can't Be No!

**And….Here we are. Back. Again. I know, I know. This is kinda going nowhere and you still don't know what happened to Magnus. Soon. It's all coming soon. Next three chapters, I promise. **

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you needed that advice more than anyone I know." Jace rolled his eyes as he said it, but Alec could see the hurt on his face. "I just want your help with one thing, Jace. Really? This whole thing, just to yell at me?" Alec was bitter, and Jace knew why. Alec had spent two years trying not to see anyone, then Jace had basically trapped him in a room with all of those people.

Alec turned, but on a second thought, turned back, already frowning. "Jace. If you knew I was coming to ask for help, why gather all of them just for that? Is… is there something else you want me to see? Or…. or… someone?"


	5. You Have A What Now?

**Ok. Here we….GO!**

Alec's face was full of hope. Jace hated himself for it. He had a letter. A letter he had been saving from Alec until things got really bad. Things were really bad. He glanced up at Alec, who was now looking pissed. "What are you hiding from me, Jace?" Alec snapped, his voice low. Jace gulped. "Here." He pulled the letter out from his pocket, handed it to Alec, and looked at the ground.

Alec unfolded the note. On the front, it said simply, "Alec". Alec gulped, gathering the strength to read it. He would recognize that handwriting anywhere.

_Alec, _

_Where I'm going, my love, you can't follow me. I've given this to Jace for safe keeping. Please, Alec, don't abondon Max and Rafe. They can't handle it again. I need you to be strong, sugar plum (sorry). I love you, Alexander. Remember that when times get hard. Alexander, I'm so sorry. This wasn't my choice. Ragnor tried to save me, Alec, but the Void is stronger than he is. The Void is stronger than any of us. Alec, I'm trying to come back. I am. But right now, nothing's working. No magic is strong enough to get me out of this hell. Alexander, don't even think about coming after me. I will send a mental link to Catarina and have her stop you. Don't think I won't._

Alec let out a strangled laugh. Even in the Void, Magnus had a sense of humor. "Wait, Jace." Alec said, suddenly confused and worried and hopeful all at the same time. "How did this get to you?" The Alec who was looking at Jace now was no longer the strong, confidant Shadowhunter Jace had tricked into being his _parabatai. _Not anymore, but this was still Alec.

"I got it one day, about a year ago. It was sitting on my bed, with a not telling me to give it to you when it got really bad. Finish reading, Alec. There are others. I got one once every few months." Alec looked, slightly hesitantly, down at the letter.

_Alec, please don't think I've abandoned you. I'm trying, Alec, but that means you have to try too. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I love you. Never forget. Alec, I'm coming. I'm coming. Date night. Three years, Alec. Nine o'clock. After the kids are in bed. Taki's. Don't you forget, Alexander Lightwood. _

_Much love, Magnus _

When he finished reading, Alec buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He'd never known what happened to Magnus. He thought Magnus had just gotten bored, and had left. He sobbed and sobbed, and when he felt a hand on his back, he cried harder. His mind was in Magnus-land, so he thought the hand was his love. It was Jace. Jace, who had tried to be there. Who was there now, for the hardest moment of Alec's life.

"Alec. Alec, there's another." Alec pushed away the offered letter.

"No. I have to go. I'll be back tomorrow for more. I need to go get my kids." Jace grinned, pure and joyful . "I knew you had it in you! Go face the world, Alec!" Alec flipped him off as he left.

For the first time in two years, Alec walked the familiar path to his parent's house. They had passed ownership of the Institute over to Jace and Clary, then moved. Alec had lost Magnus to the Void a month later, and had left the kids there. He had never gone back. He braced himself for some serious cold shoulder, but...


	6. They Grow Up So Fast

**Sorry about that last chapter. Apparently, I can't get past a good cliffhager. But here we go! Off to the races. Thank you for all the reviews, people who reviewed. It really gives me confidence in my writing. Thank you again, and let's get started!**

"Dad! Max, Max! Dad!" Alec stood there, still in pain. He saw Magnus in every smile, in every line of Max's face, and their love in every line in Rafe's. Max launched himself into his dad's arms, Rafe right behind him.

Rafe, stolid Rafe, was crying. Max was crying and laughing. Both were hugging Alec like it was the last time they'd ever see him. "Max. Rafe. My Rafe. My Max." Alec murmured in each of their ears.

"I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I promise. I'm not leaving. I love you guys." Alec continued, but Max put a hand over his mouth. "Dad, shush. Come watch Rafe and me train! We're getting really good!" Alec, such a dad, corrected his son automatically.

"Me and Rafe," he said, and Rafe rolled his eyes and shouldered Max.

"Told you." Rafe mumbled to his brother. Max punched at him. Rafe blocked and countered. Max stopped the attack, and threw a kick. Alec sat back and watched the show.

They sparred for a moment before Alec stepped in, his Shadowhunter tendancies pushing through his drunk facade for the first time in two years. "Put your leg more over this way. That way you have more control over your movment. Rafe, put your hands up more. You can't block with your hands down. Good, Max! Hands up, Rafe. Counter, Rafe! Nice one!"

But the boys lapsed into giggles after Alec tried to show them. He was relatively fat, and super unfit. "I should probably get back to training with Jace." He mumbled to himself.

Rafe nodded vehemently. Alec stuck out his tongue teasingly, making his kids laugh. "Ok. Guys, stay here. I'll be back in a day or two. I just need to get the loft cleaned up." Max moved closer to Rafe, and took his brother's hand. Alec understood. He had done this same thing when he left them with his parents the first time.

"Guys, I promise. I'm cleaning up the loft and coming back. Two days, tops." Rafe nodded bravely, and Max bit his lip, but didn't protest. He left the house, scared of how he could handle the loft.


	7. Did I Make A Mistake?

Ok. I have nothing more to say. If you're reading this chapter, you know what's going on. So here. Enjoy and review.

Alec braced himself. Seeing the kids had been hard enough, but the loft would be so much harder. As he walked the familiar road to his old house, he remembered Catarina Loss, a warlock friend of Magnus's spelling the door closed. "Crap." He muttered, and turned down a corner that lead to Luke Garroway's house, where Clary was staying.

Jace was still staring at the door Alec had left from. One letter from Magnus, and he seemed to be cured. Should he have given the letter to Alec earlier? There was no right answer, just what Jace himself thought. And he thought he had made a mistake. He could have prevented a whole lot of heartbreak, himself and Isabelle included.

Alec was taking a deep breath, looking like a creeper as he stood in ratty sweats outside of Luke's house. He knocked on the door. Luke opened the door nearly immediately. "Alexander!" He exclaimed, his face lighting up at the first sight of his step-step-son in two years. Alec had to work hard to to yell at Luke for using Alexander, not Alec. "Alec." Alec said, as politely as he could. Luke nodded amiably. "Alec. Come in, kiddo!" Alec couldn't help but grin. By the Angel, he had missed Luke.

Jace was sitting on his bed, having a slight panic attack. Was all this his fault? As if reading his mind, Isabelle came in. She sat next to him on his bed, sweeping his hair away from his eyes tenderly. "Jace, c'mon. This is not your fault." He glared at her.

"Okay, Iz. How the hell did you know?" She smirked.

"I'm psychic. But really, you were talking quite loudly." Jace mock-hit her. She slapped him in the face back. "Iz! Hey, figure out your limits!" Iz shook her head.

"Nope."

Alec sat awkwardly on the couch while Luke went to get Clary. "Sorry! I was up in my room, drawing!" Her voice cut through his fog. She sounded apologetic. "Luke said you needed me. What's up?" Alec gulped.

"Can you contact Catarina Loss, ask her to open Mag-Magnus's apartment? Me and the kids need to go home." That was the first time since he had disappeared that Alec had spoken the name of his boyfriend. It hurt, and Alec pinched himself to keep the tears at bay, but he did it. Clary grinned, this huge, thrilled grin. "Oh, Alec! This is wonderful! Of course, I'll call her right now!"

"Thank you." Alec whispered into his hands as he sobbed.


	8. Cleanup, Cleanup, Everybody Cleanup!

**Alright. Things are about halfway-ish done. So enjoy and please, please tell me what you think and ideas you have. **

Catarina came into the living room of Luke's house not ten minutes later. She was all brisk, calm energy and a bustle of blue and white. "So. You need me to open your former lover's apartment so you can go wallow like last time?" Alec flinched. She was blunt, which he would come to appreciate. She had never said anything like "it's going to get easier" or any of that BS.

"No." He said, then continued hesitantly. "I-me and my kids need a house to live in, and they grew up in the loft. I became who I am today in that apartment. I'm not getting a new one, and anyway, I'm broke. I need someplace to raise my kids, and the loft is the best option."

Catarina stared at Alec for a long moment, then turned away and nodded. "I'll be back in a half an hour. When I get back, go through the Portal, and do what it is you need to do. Then go get your kids, for God's sake." Alec grinned at her.

"Deal."

True to her word, a half hour later, on the dot, Catarina Portaled in. Alec followed her back through, bracing himsef for a mess of trash, smells, and memories. He was right about the-well, the all of it. There was trash everywhere. The smell was atrocious, and the memories were flodding into him as an unstoppable demon.

Alec took a deep breath, then immediately regretted it. It _stank. _"By the Angel." He muttered. "I've got my work cut out for me." He smiled grimly to himself. Then Clary stepped through the Portal, Jace at her heels. "Need help, Alec?" Clary asked, then winced. "Geez." Alec nodded, holding in a smirk. Jace wrinkled his nose. "By the Angel, Alec, what did you do to this place?" Alec shrugged. "Lived here for a month while obscenly drunk." Jace nodded.

"That would do it."

Clary handed Alec a trash bag. "Clothes." She said, then wrote it on the side of the big bag. She gave him another, then labeled it "trash from trash cans."

He walked to him and Magnus's room, opened the door, and looked down. He didn't want to see the bed where he and Magnus had slept, and where they had planned their wedding down to the last detail.

He went straight to each of the three trash cans, emptied them, and dumped all of the clothes, in the drawers or out, into the other bag. Then, he saw the last article of clothing in the last drawer. It was a silk kimono, one of Magnus's favorites. Alec broke down, crying until his eyes were heavy-lidded, and he thought he could never cry again. He then threw the kimono into the bag, buried it under ratty grey sweatpants, and walked out of the room.

Clary walked in after him with bags labeled "sheets" and "rugs". The "rugs" bag was normally sized, though Alec strongly suspected Catarina had spelled it to hold more.

Seven hours and three breaks later, the loft was cleaned, refurnished (some of the furniture was hosting animals, orhad food literally melted into it), and ready to be lived in. All Alec wanted was a nap, but he had things to do. Off to get his kids.


	9. The Letters

**Ok, so I'm going to try maintaining a regular update schedule. I'm trying to update every Friday. Enjoy and review. Also, sorry for mistakes and such. I got a new dog recently, and her sleep schedule is never, only playing. So I'm running on six hours of sleep a night. **

Poor Alec had been going strong for nearly 24 hours, but his work wasn't done. He let himself into his parent's house, then called for his kids. "Rafe? Max? You guys packed yet? The loft's all ready, and I really want to go home."

A smiling Rafe poked his head out from the top of the stairs. "Yup! Let me go get Max, he's asleep." Alec nodded, also asleep. He heard whispering from the stairs, then both his boys came down the stairs, lugging bags. Alec grabbed the bags, then led the boys through the Portal.

For the first time in two years, Alec was sleeping in his old room. They had to get rid of the bed. It had been soaked with still-damp cheap liquor. Rafe and Max were sleeping in the only room that had been untouched by Alec when he was depressed and staying in the loft.

The next day, Alec sent the kids the the Institute to train with Jace and Clary. He stayed home, even though he knew he should do the same. But he had stayed home for a reason. There were four more letters for Alec to read. He wasn't sure if he would finish them all, but he would try.

_Dear Alec, _

_Oh God, Alec. It's really tiring here. It takes nearly all my strength to survive here. To ward off my father, to ward off unwanted, um, visitors. But I don't want to worry you. Remember our date, Alec? Don't you dare forget. Two years three months five hours sixteen minutes and… ten seconds when I write this. Anyway, hope the kids are doing well. Our date is the only thing that keeps track of time here. I've got this watch, the one you gave me. Send a nice letter to the manufacturer, because this thing works in demon realms. Damn. Good God, Alec. I miss you. This is hard anyway, but the fact that you aren't here, well, that makes it so much harder. I'm sorry this letter isn't going to be any longer that it is, but I really have to get in my nightly three hours of sleep. _

_Much love, Magnus _

Alec's face was already stained with tears. Choked sobs, trying to hold it in, Alec gasped. Magnus was trying. He was still trying. Tossing the other one lightly on the bed, he grabbed the next letter. This one was on something that looked suspiciously like preserved demon-skin. Yuck.

_Oh, Alec. I know these are pretty spread out, but i'm so tired all the time. I'm still counting down, though. You better not have forgotten. I'm on my way, Alec. There's this spell. I have to trust a demon to get it, but. If it gets me to you, I'll do it. It's a Void Portal, Alec. And it'll get me to the real world again, in time for our date. One year seven months fifteen days seven hours three minutes and… thirteen seconds. God, Alec. I miss you and Max and Rafe so damn much. Sometimes it feels like I'm choking. And other times I am choking on the dust in the Void. The void is _really dusy_, Alec. Really dusty. And bloody. That's the other aspect of the Void. Ok, if I don't go soon, I'll probably bleed out. Oh, crap. Sorry, didn't mean to tell you that. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye, Alec. I love you. _

_Magnus. _

Alec stared, horrified, at the letter long after he finished. Was Magnus dead? But, Alec realized, if he was dead, he wouldn't be able to write any more letters, and there were four more. Alec braced himself and opened the next one.

_Ten months, fourteen days, eight hours, thirteen minutes and five seconds. I can only trust that you remember, Alec. How're the kids? I miss you, Alec. I know I should forget you, that I'm stuck here forever. But I can't Alec. I'm just. The Void Portal is screwed. The damn demon who I was trusting was killed. But I'm coming. I promise, Alec. Ok, Love you, bye. _

_Magnus _

Alec dropped his head in his hands, but the tears weren't coming. He was dry of tears, alcohol, and full of love.


	10. Happy, For Now

**Oh God I suck at updating regularly. Forgive me. Got a lot going on. Enjoy. Review. You know the deal. **

Alec sighed. His head was pounding from alcohol withdrawl, but he had to finish these letters.

_Oh, Alec. Do you remember that time when we were stuck in Edom, and I was sick? And you came in to save me? That was the first time I realized that we were going to be together, through thick and thin. I wasn't wrong, my love. We were. But stupid me, I had to get sucked into the mother-fracking Void. Oh, God. Sorry, Alec. Moral is low right now. So I'm sitting here and I'm remembering us, Alec. I'm thinking about and reliving every time you kissed me, every time you told me that you could handle it, every time you brought me to bed when I was engrossed in my studies. I can't but think, What if I'd stayed. Anyway. This is a good way to pass the time. Eight months, eight days, eight hours, eight minutes and eight seconds. God. Is that ironic or what? Because today is our anniversary. And we first kissed at 8:08 and eight seconds. Maybe it's a sign! much love, Magnus. _

"It wasn't your fault, Magnus. You couldn't have stayed, even if you wanted to." Alec mumbled. A knock on the door made him jump up, rubbing at his eyes. You know, just in case. "Open the damn door, Alec! I have to pee!" Alec smirked.

"I dunno, Jace. I might have to pee first." Alec answered, and he could see Jace's glare through the door.

"Angel damn you, Alec! Open the door!" Alec complied this time, not actually having to use the restroom. They talked, easily, as if no time had passed at all, until the kids came home. Then Clary joined them for dinner. (The one she made. Alec still couldn't cook.) It wasn't until he was in bed that he realized his headache had gone and the letters still weren't read through.


	11. Training,Training, Everybody's Training!

**And...Haha, remember when I tried updating regularly? Please keep reviewing, it keeps moral high in the Void! (Sorry this chapter is so short, I'm having a hard time staying on top of all of my stuff. It'll get better soon, I promise.)**

Alec woke at dawn the next morning. He sat up, shook his head, and lay back down. After a moment of struggling with his to-do list, he dragged himself out of bed. Alec threw on the training clothes Jace had given him. The simple, thick material was familiar against his skin. When he walked, the pants, because they were to big, billowed around him. He patted them down and went to wake up Max and Rafe.

They went to the Institute together. Max had Alec by the hand, and Alec had Rafe by the hand on his other side. Walking down the street, they were glamoured to look like a normal dad and his kids. One person stopped them, and all three boys tensed, their training kicking in. "Your sons are so cute!" The lady cooed. Alec smiled graciously and said thank you.

Alec, still too ashamed by his earlier failure to get into the Institute, had Rafe do it. They got in no problem, and while walking to the training room, they were joined by Jace and Clary. "Alec," Jace greeted calmly. Trying to outgrow his old attitude, Alec just nodded. Then he hugged Jace and kissed Clary on the cheek.

Clay took Rafe and Max, while Jace prepared to whip his adoptive brother back into shape. "Well, well, well." he said, "This is going to be fun."


	12. The Next Letter

**Okay. I'm sorry for not updating sooner. It's not like I don't have time (thanks, COVID-19). I'll try, though. **

"Oww! Jace, have mercy!" Jace smirked.

"Hah. No." And then he brought the staff down. Alec, though, had learned from his last mistake and brought his own to meet Jace's. Jace grinned and blocked Alec's next blow. But when Alec whipped around again and swung the staff to Jace's knee, even Jace couldn't block it.

"Alright, Alec. I'll see you tomorrow. You hit me earlier tomorrow, you go home earlier tomorrow." Alec glared at his brother.

"Are you kidding me?" Jace grinned.

"Nope!"

By the time Alec got home, it was late, but his kids were sitting in the kitchen. "Hey, Alec!" Clary called as he limped in, knees bruised from Jace's staff.

"Dad!" Max called. Rafe smiled.

"Did Jace use staffs with you? I heard the clashing." Alec grinned wryly.

"Yeah. Look, you and your brother should be in bed. I'm going to bed anyway, so let's go. Thanks again, Clary."

"Will you need me tomorrow?" Clary asked quietly. Alec nodded.

"Probably. Thank you again."

"No problem, Alec. Hang in there." Alec's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?" He asked, but Clary was already gone.

When he stumbled into his room a half-hour later, there was a letter on the bed. A new one. On top of the letter on a Post-It note, Jace had written, _Alec, this was on my bed this morning. Come see me, please. We haven't gotten the chance to talk, my _parabatai. _I think we should. _

Alec pulled off the Post-It and gulped. Now, or later? He was so freaking tired, though. Later. Alec collapsed on the bed, asleep immediately. His dreams were plagued with memories of Magnus, visions of him bleeding out on a barren rock in the Void.

When he woke up, someone warm was in the bed beside him. "Magnus?" Alec gasped.


	13. Magnus?

**If anyone is following my other ongoing story, **_**Taken In, **_**You've heard this. I know I haven't been updating even though I do have the time. Rough spot. You know how it is. I'm trying. I'll try harder. **

"No, Alec." A familiar and gentle voice soothed as Alec thrashed. Alec gasped in his tears and turned to face his _parabatai. _

"Jace." Alec said, "What are you doing here?" Jace looked helpless.

"You never responded to my Post-It." He said, and Alec groaned.

"Seriously, that's what this is about?" Jace nodded solomnly.

"Alec, did you read the letter?" Alec shook his head, confused. Jace leaped out of bed and grabbed the letter. He shoved it into Alec's hands and put his own hands on Alec's shoulder. "Jace, no. I'll read it after training." Alec protested, but Jace shook his head.

"No, Alec. Read the letter." Alec's face twisted. So did his heart.

_Alexander. My sweet, poor Alexander. I swear, I'm trying, Alec. But I'm so damn tired. Almost three years now. Our date is tomorrow. Don't you dare forget. I got everything I need, Alec, except a power source. My own magic is too depleted for that. But I promise you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I will be at Taki's, Alec, I promise. I'll see you there. Nine, Alec, don't forget. I love you, Alexander. _

"I have a date!" Alec shouted, even though he was sure his boyfriend wouldn't show. Jace nodded.

"Now get dressed. We have training to do." Alec spent the rest of the day in the Institute. He lost fifteen pound, half of it in sweat, half of it in body fat. At seven, he sent his kids into their rooms, telling them to "just go to sleep." and that he "know it's early". The boys complied. Alec got dressed in a nice suit of Jace's. (It took him an hour and a half) Then got on the train.

Taki's. Eight fifty-six. Fifty-seven.

Fifty-eight.

Fifty-nine.

_Nine_. Nine on the dot the door opened.

"Magnus?" Alec gasped.


End file.
